Mr Messi
He did it again. Somehow, at 39, Messi is walking around pitches at a World Cup and scoring miracle goals practically every time he breaks into a run. Last night was Egypt's turn. What a player
But for a disappointing finish in Dallas, today’s Round of 16 match might have been ours, and I found myself barracking for the Egyptians as our proxies (duly appointed by a process of shanked penalty kicks and an uncooperative upright). Unfortunately, I learned something I didn’t know, which is that VAR can peer back into the past and rewrite the Treaty of Versailles if necessary to protect a tournament favourite that’s about to go two down. I also learned something I did know, which is that it’s so hard to hold out the best teams in the last quarter hour when everyone is exhausted, and nearly impossible when that team has Messi.
I would have loved to have seen him again live — I watched him as an 18 year old at the MCG in a friendly against the Socceroos, and Cam and I had conditional tickets for Atlanta had the Egypt result gone our way (they evaporate if your team is eliminated). It’s now become a trope to say that there is nothing left to write or say, but my friend Declan Fay dug up a Sarthak Dev piece about Messi’s hattrick against Algeria that is just outstanding. As a piece of sports writing, it’s really something:
The ball eventually finds him around minute seven. Argentina move forward in a wave. Messi receives the ball, pirouettes on his left leg, turns to see Algerian defenders standing in a double-layered wall, and passes the ball behind. He understands tempo, this guy. Maybe, in a previous life, he was a musician or a poet. So he just moves the play along, lowers the heartbeat. Not now. With every little touch and turn, the heart pumps a little faster, but he’s asking you to settle in. Ninety minutes is a long time.
I feel like I could have chosen any paragraph, it’s so beautifully paced and described. You should read it. Declan’s own writing about the World Cup has been wonderful too, marked by a methodology I’ve used myself to make it onto many a news vox pop when wearing the fan’s green and gold, one I like to call ‘untenable optimism’. ‘We’re going to win the World Cup!’ is a favourite of mine. Nemes off to Declan for his opening line, ‘The land of the pharaohs versus the land of the fair go’:
A piece of writing about Messi that is neither nuanced nor excellent is Cam’s and my picture book offering from 2010 called Mr Messi1. It was written and photo illustrated within two hours and published within five, requiring just a visit to a Snap Printing in Cape Town and judicious application of sticky tape. It violates both Roger Hargreaves’ copyright and appropriate GOATish reverence for the great man, but I read it to my wife last night and she laughed, so here it is!
From a young age, Mr Messi stood out from the other kids.
Mr Messi’s break came when Barcelona paid for hormone therapy to treat his squiggliness.2
Sometimes it seemed Mr Messi had the ball on a string.
Defenders didn’t like marking Mr. Messi because he was partially see-through.
Mr Messi starred for Barcelona in the Champions League until things unravelled.
Mr Messi’s nemesis is Dutch goalkeeper Mr. Van den Tickle.
Here endeth the picture book! Cam Fink and I made it on the run as we filmed segments for Cup Fever from South Africa 2010, and it’s amazing to think Messi is not just still playing, but dominating the tournament and current leader in the Golden Boot. The idea for the segment was to encourage Argentinian fans to read it out loud, and enjoy their reactions. It’s actually a great little vox pop, that yielded an enduring favourite line for Cam and me. At 1.20 in the video below, we asked a deadpan, drunk, non-English speaking Argentinian in aviators what he thought of our book. He didn’t answer, which prompted me to ask, ‘Do you hate our book?’ and for him to immediately answer —immediately — ‘Yes.’
We now use this construction for expressing any opinion about anything. ‘Do you hate our Airbnb? Do you hate our trail mix? Do you hate our back 4? Do you hate our hire car? Do you hate our gun laws?
It’s very versatile.
Do you hate our book? Let me know in the comments below. Or drop me a like if you like it!
Do you want to have your name in my next picture book? I promise you won’t hate this one. It’s a proper one illustrated by Laura Wood and it’s called The Elephant in the Room and there are idioms drawn into every illustration. If you take two copies (commit now, pay later) I’ll write you or your kids name in the back of the book, as people who made it possible. I’ll stop collecting names mid August.
Other World Cup posts on Good One Wilson
I’ll write an account of the Egypt exit match shortly.
Cam and I have been making a podcast around the matches and our travels called World Cup Road Trip.
Another excellent World Cup read is the David Picken edited ‘Football Fans in their Own Write’ (Fair Play publishing)v which has pieces from everyone from Pope Francis to Tim Rice.
pte AI thank you very much!
Messi really did endure daily hormone treatment as a teen, which has been extensively covered. https://journeys.dartmouth.edu/marcanovicoff22/messis-medical-journey/
Hi Tony.
Lovely post! Thank you for sharing my essay on Messi and all the kind words. Wishing you a great World Cup hereon!
Cheers.