The 9.1 club

I can’t remember why Monash Blues footy club chose me to be MC at its inaugural Grand Final lunch back in 2009. It might have been because I was doing a similar gig for my own footy club, University Blacks, except in the form of a Season Commencement Breakfast. More likely, it’s because Monash’s doyen, its legend, Phil DeYoung has known me since I was a teenager, knows I love footy and words, and that corporate MCing was something I did often to support my writing. Or maybe they’re just masochistic bastards who lost an ‘event game’ on Optus Oval in 2003 to the Uni Blacks - a game in which your modest, self effacing scribe booted 9 goals 1 behind, and they opted in for a lifetime of annual reminders.

However it happened, I’m still there. Every year, we play the game. I explain to newcomers about the 9.1, and that I’ve barely mentioned it in the past (cue abuse and catcalls). I then look for new and hopefully clandestine ways to push forward the 9.1 — I’ve used Roman numerals, IX.I, I’ve manipulated lockdown statistics to land on 9.1, I’ve celebrated the 9.1th anniversary of the game, I’ve celebrated the 9.1th anniversary of our first lunch, I’ve talked about Sir John Monash and the Monash Freeway, and smashed 9.1 into both their stories. Last year, I unveiled party balloons. One year, I’ll hire a skywriter. This is the trajectory we are on.

This year, I decided to look for the AFL history link to the 9.1. It was a brilliant year to do so because two current AFL stars joined the 9.1 club this year, Joel Amartey (R14 (v Adelaide) and Jeremy Cameron (Rd 24 v West Coast).

I started investigating who else in the history of the game had kicked exactly 9.1. The person to ask for niche AFL statistics is the legendary @SoirSwampthing on the site formerly known as Twitter. Swampthing did what Swampthing does:

I then had the idea of getting video messages from the 9.1 club, and pretending that we meet regularly and have a Whatsapp group. I thought I was a reasonable chance of getting ALL FOUR of the Princes Park quartet of 9.1ers to send me a selfie video. I know Don Scott, a premiership teammate of my dad’s who I’ve written about before; I’ve met Bernie Quinlan, because he’s done some gardening work on the Mornington Peninsula with Don; I kinda knew Jason Dunstall for the five minutes I was a Hawthorn senior footballer in 1992 and I interviewed him for my Jeans biography (under construction!) and have his mobile number. Fitzroy nine-oner Doug Searl is in his seventies now, but my former Preston coach Peter Weightman played his one senior game with him. I’d try that avenue.

I ended up getting two out of four, and it was brilliant. Thank you to Disco Roach and The Chief for being terrific sports. I think it went down well, although our special guest Brendon Goddard did ask me how many years I was thinking about continuing the gag, and the Monash people cheered.

Maybe I won’t commission the skywriter. Or maybe Goddard could write something up there himself?

I’ll put my script from yesterday underneath for paid subscribers.

Hello and welcome to the Monash Blues Grand Final lunch for 2024.

My name’s Tony Wilson, I’m back as MC because you guys gave me the Patrick Cripps of performance reviews last year --- I got three votes for the way I handled the escalator on the way up, three votes for my sound check, two votes for my throat clear and another three votes for my party balloons, which told a story in black and blue that is as old as this function.